oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
