Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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