i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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