i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
