he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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