You just made me feel so damn special
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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