true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
