Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
