Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
