I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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