dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
