Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
