I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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