seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
