lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
