Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
