Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
