how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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