My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
