Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
