it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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