glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
