So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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