if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
