And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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