I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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