clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
