Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
