i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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