I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
