I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's always time for handjobs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
