is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize