Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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