Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
