FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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