im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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