if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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