Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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