i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
