I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
