dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
