rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's rum buckets o'clock
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
