this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
