nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
