he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
