how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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