hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We had sex on a dog bed..
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
