i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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