it's great music for shaving your balls
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
