I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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