I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
