Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
