I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
