i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
