I feel like I'm in dance class right now
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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