I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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