I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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