Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She needs sedatives and a leash
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
