if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize