sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
