I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
