He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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