I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
