Do you still have your period?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
