i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
