Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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