Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
where are my eyebrows?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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