they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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