Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize